I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. I find it funny how it's so easy to share about the bad parts of my life and when things are going fine it's that much harder. And as you may have guessed by now, things are okay. I've been doing well with medication, therapy and physical activity and it's helped tremendously. There's something about this time around that's working and I can't complain. So what I will do is chronicle my medication journey.
The thing about medication is that it doesn't solve the problem of BPD (that's if I consider BPD a problem). The meds are to tackle the co-occurring disorder. In most instances BPD is accompanied by some mood disorder, whether it be anxiety, depression or bipolar disorder. For me it's depression. I tend to have episodes every several months and my baseline is pretty low in the sense that even when I'm not "fully" depressed I have a low level of depression still. Worst case scenario is when I have what is called "psychotic depression." This is when your depression comes with deep seeded beliefs or delusions about life or the world. For me there's an existential dread about the world and the firm belief that life is all for naught. In those times I think love means nothing, good deeds are useless and life in general is worth less than pennies. Because the depression can lead me to the point of not caring for my life or the life of others, medication is required.
In this case I usually need both an antidepressant as well as an antipsychotic. At the moment I'm on Paxil and olanzipine. (Side note that both these medications have the side effect of weight gain. They both change the gut biome and cause you to be hungrier and make your body hold on to the more fatty portions of the food thus gaining quite a few pounds. The doctors feel that the weight gain is better to endure than to deal with the thoughts. I don't think so but that's just me.) As a psychologist or mental health professional I know that medication is vital for some folk but I also believe in the power of self care. Sometimes a change in your routine can do wonders for your mental health as well as a good support system. Having said that, I can't wait for the day that I feel secure enough to come off meds.
Medication can be a game changer for someone that really needs it. And side effects don't always happen or you may have different side effects based on your your own biological make up. I wonder if you have any questions about medication and how it works or affects you. Please leave your comment or questions below.
Love,
Dat Bahamian Borderline
IG: bahamian_borderline
Comments