Social cues are important to us all. They let you know when to give that hug, when to laugh and what mood the room is. For people with mental illness social cues are particularly important. They help us to hide what's really going on.
When you're depressed or anxious it can be quite difficult and debilitating even to have to explain what you're feeling and why. It's much easier to just press on without letting a soul know. This is where social cues come in. For those times when you have to be around others but need to hide that you're dying inside, you read the room and adjust accordingly. You fake laugh, you may even do a little knee slap. You stand at the outter edge of the circle, just enough to seem engaged but far enough that no one notices that frown or that tear. This is how you end up feeling lonely in a crowd of people without being noticed. In a song by Blaine Larson on suicide he asks the question "how do you get that lonely and nobody knows?"
Well, Blaine, we become experts at reading the room until eventually it's too hard to hide that heaviness in our hearts.
That's when we don't show up to events and outings at all. It becomes just another task that makes us tired and heavy hearted. Then, and only then, do you start to notice little Bobby hasn't come out to bingo for several weeks or sister Norma hasn't been to church in a while. By this time, it's up to you to make being with a friend a safe space.
Don't ask them to come out, be a friend and go see them. Anything that relieves the pressure of being in a very loud world. Do things that need doing. Stop by after picking up their kids from school. Spend time talking while grocery shopping. Or bring over a cup of coffee (because who doesn't like that good overpriced stuff).
you may be a master at socializing, but just like we're always one step behind a thief, you're one behind the depressed person too.
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