I’ve been wanting to write for about two weeks or so but it’s been such a hectic time for me. I’ve started a new job and demanding really doesn’t begin to describe it. Also I’ve been working on writing my book and that has also taken my attention away from here as well. So please pardon my absence.
But what I wanted to write about is healthy replacement. There’s a scripture in the Bible that talks about how people will turn away from the truth (because it’s hard and requires real change) and so turn to “what their itching ears want to hear.” This basically means that people will accept a lie over the truth if that lie makes life comfortable. The church I attended used to use it a lot when it was pointed out that some congregants had left our church and was doing well in another congregation. They would say they went to where their itching ears wanted to be. Essentially that meant that our church was the true church that preached the truth and required a level of change that was difficult and other churches were some watered down version of the truth that didn’t require one to repent and live a righteous life. That is an issue all on its own but I’ll tackle that another time, the point I’m getting at here is that it left you afraid to venture out and possibly find what was right for you or even better for you. But if you did manage to leave and find a different congregation you may find that you had a similar problem, situation or experience but because you’re in the right place for you, you experience it differently.
Okay so I realize that that may still be confusing, but stay with me. I had a friend and I told her about this guy that I was involved with and how he treated me pretty badly. I mentioned him in my last post, that he would come over and be ashamed to be seen here. Obviously, as a close friend, she got all the details of the things he did and said. Her response was to say that I should tread lightly but she then goes on to talk about how handsome he is and how talented he is and how much she loves him (not romantically of course). I remember thinking that she probably just wanted to be objective about the situation. She probably didn’t want to just acknowledge all the nasty things he’d done to me without putting it in perspective of his positive attributes. I figured she didn’t want to be biased. Some time later I would come to share the story of this guy with another friend. This friend’s response was the polar opposite. She was livid at the fact that he would treat me that way. She became legitimately disgusted with him and his behavior and urged me to leave him alone. I remember laughing at it but definitely feeling vindicated in my train of thought that his actions were unacceptable. But most of all I felt the difference between when someone is really looking out for you and when someone is nonchalant about you.
At another point I was talking to the gentleman in question here about a particular celebrity/reknowned person that I didn’t particularly care for. His response was “well if you don’t like him then WE don’t like him…forget him.” That feeling was there again. Why is it that my close friend was not as supportive? I didn’t ask her to hate him or even stop liking him but why did she feel like talking about how great this guy is was appropriate after hearing how much he had hurt me? Why would she feel comfortable bringing that up in a time like this? And then to take it further, why are you not furious that there was someone who would treat your friend so poorly?
And it took that for me to realize that sometimes you have to back away from what you’re accustomed to and comfortable with to realize that it wasn’t healthy for you. I’m not saying this as an indictment on her character, her character isn’t the issue at all. The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes you become so complacent with the people in your life and the situation you’re in that you don’t venture into unknown territory. You assume even, that if you do so then you’re doing the wrong thing…you’re going where your itching ear wants to be. You don’t realize that you need to move on, you don’t realize that there’s something else out there for you, something better. You become so afraid of losing what you have that you don’t consider what you can gain. You may even allow yourself to be bullied into thinking that you’re wrong for leaving. Maybe even so far as to say that you will never find the right thing outside of them because they are the best and the only.
I’ve had a chance to look back and realize how many relationships, partnerships and friendships I’ve remained in because I was afraid of being alone, afraid that I wouldn’t find better, afraid that this was as good as it was going to get. I’ve decided that I don’t want to do that any more. My circle definitely shrank. But I do feel more supported with the few than I did before. And it’s not that I’m going to get this right every time, or not crawl back into a bed I shouldn’t be in or end up in a relationship for too long with someone I know I should leave behind; but I do know that I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. He who has ears, let him hear!
Sorry to get all churchy on you there but it seemed a very fitting end.
love,
Dat Bahamian Borderline
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