…and another one

Yes, another episode on suicide. In this very weird time I remember what it feels like to not be able to breathe. To have the life slip out of you and know you're on your last two dying breaths. I also remember trying to hold on for the 2 people in this world that I love yet being content with my passing. I didn't die that night but I remember the feeling of being on the verge of death. It was less scary than I thought it would be.

I haven't been feeling well these past few weeks and I did mention that I would update you guys as soon as I knew what was happening. Welp! I still don't know what's happening but I do know it's getting worse. I have trouble leaving my house, taking care of myself in any physical way, waking up, staying up, concentrating at work or really doing anything at all. Most times I lay in bed until my joints hurt. I have no tears for crying. I just lay and be and let it all wash over me, the places i could've gone, the people I could've seen, the things I could've done. I become one with the nothingness in my bed.

Am I suicidal...no. Am I in need of help...probably. Will I go get said help...definitely not. I'm not there yet people.

All I can say for now is keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Peace out! (I'm still funny)