The movie girl interrupted starring Wynona Rider and Angelina Jolie is such a great example of BPD. You see this person who is aware of who she is and yet incapable of getting her life together. Being of sober mind and yet not to such a great extent. Having such a beautiful heart yet having the capacity to tear down someone, including self, in an instant. But the important part of that movie was the relationship between the two main characters.
Relationships in BPD is what helps bring out the worst in us just as well as the best. In another diagnostic manual (the ICD) BPD is referred to as Emotional Instability Disorder. Our emotions can fluctuate so much on their own but add a friend or partner to the equation and the issues grow 10 fold. The relationship in gone girl shows one where it goes from complete adoration to utter hatred. That's very normal for us. Because we feel emotions more deeply, not liking someone or something they did can be the difference between a 2 hour rant, life or death or self-harming behavior. As social creatures we need the interaction but the price to pay could be high and is a cost to count. I really wish I could do justice to this topic but the truth is I cant. It's not right of me or even Hollywood to try and pack the intricacies of a BPD relationship into a 2 hour movie of a 2 minute blog because it's such a nuanced topic.
The point of this is that there are 4 different subtypes of BPD and based on your subtype you get a different kind of response to friends and relationships. One of the biggest issues with BPD is that it can present differently in different people. There are only a few traits that are the same across the board. As for myself, I'm a quiet/vulnerable/high functioning borderline (or so they say). In this way, my anger, though intense, is usually directed at self. I tend to see myself as the problem but even if I don't, the harm and anger is turned inward and usually turned into a depression of some sort. Friendships for me are fairly stable but fairly shallow. I have an urge to be known and know others but I keep them at arms length because I think of myself as fundamentally flawed. I also tend to do a lot for others and don't voice my own needs or frustration. One thing about us all is that we are sincerely empathetic but can be selfish if we're dealing with stuff. And I mean selfish in the way that we can't see your feelings as well because ours is too big. I have this problem as well.
The thing is, you really have to know your friend or partner to be able to tell which subtype they are and see the patterns that align with that. Talk to them when they are stable and in a good place. Fix the plane on the ground because when it's mid flight, it's much more difficult. Friendship is hard for us and that makes it harder for you too. But together there's hope.
Love,
Dat Bahamian Borderline
insta: @bahamian_borderline
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