BPD: What is Splitting?

Have you ever heard of the tree of good and evil in the Bible? Ever wondered exactly how it was that it was both good and evil at the same time? Did one side have good while the other side evil or was the one fruit both good and evil simultaneously? Either way this is the best way to describe splitting in BPD. Every person is both good and bad, they have both sides to them.

When splitting, a person can have a good side and a bad side but not at the same time in our eyes. There's good Alfred and Bad Alfred. Based on the action that was perceived we can only see one or the other. It's difficult to see that good people do bad things, difficult to see that an action or behavior was bad rather than seeing one fully bad person. The professionals call this valuing and devaluing. We can put a person on a pedestal and nothing they do is wrong and then when they finally do something wrong it's like they've committed treason and we want their heads on a platter.

It's really a sight to behold to watch a person go from all good to all bad in the blink of an eye over the smallest of actions. Because we have such a skewed sense of self, we become different people to appease a situation or person and we don't know who we are. It's the same as we map that onto others. They don't have a stable self and we cannot tell that they only have 1 skin to wear.

This is as a result of unstable parenting. In one sense the parent was good and show the child affection and love and then at the drop of a hat the parent would turn evil and contentious and mean. The child had no idea why the mood changed and ultimately came to the conclusion that there were two sides of the coin with the parent. A good side and a bad side. It was never certain when the coin would flip or where it would land but the child had to be aware of both realities to protect themselves.

If you notice your friend with BPD switch up how they handle you, they may be splitting. Reassurance is all you can give. Let them know you have good intentions and that you love them. Try to show them that you are not prefect but that you will try your best to be a good friend to them. Be aware of their likes and dislikes and have candid conversations about your relationship with them.

Love,

Dat Bahamian Borderline

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