Borderline Personality Disorder is just that, a dysfunctional personality. We don't technically have episodes because the dysfunction isn't something that comes and goes, it's a stable instability in self. It cannot be cured but does tend to mellow out with age. Having a personality disorder is like the climate of a country. Pretty stable. Whereas mood is like the weather, it changes day by day and minute by minute. Because the BPD climate is always disturbed we don't have episodes although we do have moments that are more intense based on the mood.
I say all that to say, today is an intense mood day for me. I intended not to write anything but I want to be honest and real with all of you. Generally speaking, we all have "those days." However, a staple of BPD is that we feel emotions more intensely than others and usually for longer periods of time. Imagine being on 100 for hours. It's exhausting and that's what our "episodes" are like. Not a bout of depression that lasts weeks or mania that lasts days to weeks then you level out. It's more like a roller coaster ride with several loops and turns quite frequently. You're constantly dizzy and trying to figure out what's going on with you.
Right now I'm on a loop. Not knowing where I am, who I am, what I'm doing, wanting to cry, scream and pee myself simultaneously. In times like these I need to know someone is there for me. Physically. In the room. Ready to be my rock even if I choose not to use them. I need safety in every sense of the word.
The only advice I can give is to think ahead. What's needed? What can be done? A listening ear? Dinner? School pick up? Help with an assignment? Maybe just a physical body in the room. Talk to your BPD friend ahead of time and find out what they need in time like this. Remember it's way more difficult to fix the plane in the air rather than on the ground. Meaning, don't wait until your friend is in need to know what to do. Do the maintenance while they're well so when things go bad you already know how to fix it.
Love,
Dat Bahamian Borerline
Also follow me on Instagram: @bahamian_borderline
Comments