A lot of things are risky when it comes to the borderline (I used to play chicken with cars). They tend to get themselves involved in fights, substance abuse and risky sexual behaviors. Back to playing chicken, I would try to time cars as they were riding by me and step out in front to see whether or not I'd timed it right and get hit or not. It was definitely risky but I'm not gonna lie...it was fun...at least back then it was. But today I'm not talking about risky things the borderline does, I'm talking about the risky business of being in a relationship with a borderline.
The thing borderlines are famous for is being afraid of abandonment. It's the most dreadful thing you can think of to be apart from that person that's your favorite or is close to you. I wrote about borderlines and their lack of friends earlier and this is one reason why. No matter the subtype of borderline, there are favorite persons. No matter the subtype the borderline tends to push you away to prove that they are so broken that they could never be loved or like for who they are despite only wanting to be accepted for who they are.
In my most recent relationship, I threw around the idea of breaking up so much because I was always checking to see if he wanted to leave me. Then when he even suggested how breaking up might make just an emblem of sense, I would FREAK out and be in tears about how breaking up was always an option to him. Looking back at it now, it seems funny but the truth is you never know the complexity of my emotion until you're in the moment. Personally speaking, relationships are hard to get into for me. I have to vet your ability to speak in proper sentences, to hold conversation, to hold off on sexual content, to be supportive, to be there when I need it the most and your ability to be vulnerable with me while leaving yourself available foe me to be vulnerable as well (even though I may not be in the beginning). There is so much that goes into my process. Then when you finally pass the test of becoming my favorite person you have the job of constantly reassuring me that you love an value me as a human being. I bet that sounds exhausting.
It's risky business to be in a relationship with the borderline because you're constantly putting together the plane. You get to see it when the plane is on the ground and when it's in the air falling apart. I can't give much advice to dating a borderline but I can say that you should count the cost. Can you take it when they're in a bad state and you have to worry about if they'll commit suicide? Can you take it when you're the object of a long standing anger? Can you take it when their emotions are out of whack and they go from crying to screaming to apologetic and back to angry all in an hour? Remember that the business is risky but it can be done. It is very possible to love an borderline as they are empathic, flexible and lovingly spontaneous. These can be some of the most loyal people you find around. The difficulty in maintaining the relationship can outweigh the challenges.
Love,
Dat Bahamian Borderline
Ig: @bahamian_borderline
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