What’s hope got to do with it?

Who am I to write about hope? It's something that I don't have much of and it makes it's way into my domain with sparse frequency. Yet in the same vain, on the days when my emotions are on a straight line I think hope gets me going. I think it's more fantasy than hope but it's a bit of both. Maybe I'm just delusional (delulu). I start thinking about who I'm with, if we can find a way to be happy, finding someone who loves me, will give me something to want to hold onto. I live in those fantasies, in the land never before seen. I have hope that there's a land where I can know and be known, love and be loved. It's those fantasies that are the stick propping up the straw man of hope. One doesn't exist without the other.

I can't give the definition of hope in my life unless it's tied around someone. It's always me believing that a thing or a person is going to keep me above water. It turns out that I'm drowning and dragging hope down with me. It's definitely not a flotation device, because if it were it'd be a bit more stable to hold me above water. But it's, again, more like a stick in a hurricane. It has the ability to be blown away just like the thing it was holding up.

I'm interested to know what you all feel hope is? What analogy would you use to describe how it feels?

A few years ago I found out that normal people (neurotypicals) don't think about suicide as an option. It baffled me because I don't know how people don't see it as an option. Suicide, for me, is like background noise. It's always there, it's there so much that you don't even realize you're thinking about it until it becomes loud enough to disturb that conversation you're having. It's no wonder hope isn't stable.

So realistically speaking, I don't have anything to say in this blog post. I do hope however, that you engage with this post and let me know what hope is like. I may be able to get it conceptually. So I hope to see you on IG or in my chat I guess.

Love,

Dat Bahamian Borderline

IG: bahamian_borderline